Posts Tagged ‘communication’
Chp 5: Game Face-The Hero at Home
The Hero at Home Because this book covers different aspects of law enforcement marriage, it probably seems like my entire existence revolves around the fact that he is a cop. It doesn’t. There are areas of our lives that have nothing whatsoever to do with law enforcement. This is a big question for new officers’…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face-Understanding his moods before and after shifts
Before and after Shifts Many times this hypervigilance rollercoaster will begin just before he leaves for work. He’s putting on his game face. For Brent and I, the time before his shift wasn’t pretty for years. Sometimes I’d be upset half the shift after he’d leave. He was intensely focused. There were a few hurt…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face, Understanding his moods
In his book Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement Officers, Dr. Kevin Gilmartin describes the highs and lows of what he calls the hypervigilance rollercoaster. To be vigilant is to stay watchful and alert to danger or trouble. But because our men never know what will come at them on any given call, they maintain a…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face: Understanding Your Cop’s Motivation
Understanding His Motivation War is seductive. There’s something inside me that lures me to the mission. I look at what’s goin’ down and know that I have to do what it takes to rescue these men… It’s almost like I have this need, deep inside of me…” The soldier’s eyes were moist and serious like…
Read MoreCh. 4: Code Four Communication-Selfishness v. Listening to Understand
Selfishness vs. Listen with the Desire To Understand This last communication killer is so common it’s actually part of our culture. We’re encouraged to look out for ourselves, to be self-focused. We’re also naturally inclined to respond to our own desires, feelings, and whims. We’ve been doing it since we could breathe. Maturity comes when…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication: Avoiding Unkindness
Unkindness vs. Setting Speech Boundaries As a law enforcement family, there will always be pressures as we looked at in the first chapter. Unfortunately the easiest place to release that pressure is on those closest to us. And the closer you get, the worse it can be. Because we are so entwined, when our spouses…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication: Unforgiveness kills communication
Unforgiveness vs. Keeping Short Account When our unspoken expectations are not met, it is very easy to develop resentment. We take it personally. It’s an affront! But that really isn’t fair, is it? How can our husbands know they did something wrong if they don’t know the rules? Years ago when Brent was working swing…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication: It takes time
Go Easy; It Takes Time I once heard a couple who had been married for over forty years say, “We didn’t really get each other until we’d gotten the first twenty years out of the way.” Now that Brent and I have been married over twenty-three years, I understand what they were talking about. Entwining…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication – The Man-Woman Thing
The Man-Woman Thing I like to joke that when God took a rib from Adam to make Eve, He took a whole lot more than just a bone. He also took the multitasking gene, the tendency to nurture, and the ability to ask for directions! But seriously, not only do we deal with our differences…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication: Getting outside yourself
They say marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning. Clint Eastwood Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man. Louis Nizer A sleek, black Lexus caught my eye in the next lane. Wow. It was shiny and new, and the sun hit it just right. It’s…
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