FAQ Choose Your Question FAQs for New Officer Family Page I’m terrified something bad will happen to my officer. Is this normal? Do you recommend listening to scanners to alleviate fear? My officer wants me to change my name on social media. Why? My officer has changed since he became a cop. What is happening here? Policing is just like any other career, so my officer needs to leave it at the office and not bring it home. Is this a reasonable request? What are some proactive things I can do to feel more secure about this job? My officer doesn’t want me to tell others (s)he’s a cop. What should I say? What should we do if we see someone my officer has arrested? What kind of insurance do we need? Are there things I should know about social media and my officer? How often should my officer check his EOW paperwork to make sure all is correct? Help! We’re working different schedules! What can we do to communicate better and spend time together? How much sleep does my officer need? What limits should we set for overtime? My officer brings home his equipment and it takes up so much space. Are there good ideas for storage? My officer always sits in public places so that he can see the door. Is this normal? Where can I get a good disaster plan? How much is right to explain to our kids what my officer does? Where can I find resources to help us? Is it safe to wear Thin Blue Line swag? I’ve never had guns in the house before. What do I need to know?
Hard to say. Some find this helpful. But there are many situations in which it has further traumatized the listener. Ask yourself what you’re hoping to accomplish—and investigate if this is the way to do it.
Your officer will deal with many people who won’t appreciate being held accountable for their crimes. He/she wants to protect you from anyone looking to retaliate in some way. In these unsettled times for police officers, this is one less worry!
The transition from civilian to civil servant can be hard on the body, brain, and soul. The sights, smells, and repeated contact with people who are mad, sad, and/or bad can be difficult to come to terms with. Stress and its chemicals are also hard on the body, so there could be several layers of phenomena going on. Anger, irritation, withdrawal, and insomnia can be signs that your officer needs you to look beyond the symptoms and put gracious empathy in its place. Have a safe and open conversation to gain understanding. Do some research on how to help. Talk with respected wives near you. Contact our peer support. Knowledge is power—and educated loved ones are the best assets our officers have!
Three things: 1) Educate and equip yourself. This life is a mystery to those who haven’t lived it, and there is a plethora of information, help, support, and resources. We at How 2 Love Our Cops are constantly working to help you with this! 2) Build a support system that includes people who are supportive of law enforcement and your marriage. It’s best to have friends and family who are law enforcement AND supportive civilians. 3) Commit to a lifetime of continual and open communication. When evaluating your communication with your officer, know that progress, not perfection is the desired result. Good communication takes a lifetime to perfect!
Have a special code word between you—and when he/she says this word, you separate and meet up later in another location. This requires you and your officer to actually come up with a plan ahead of time. When kids get to an age when they can understand, talk with them as well.
Purchase the best health insurance available through your or your officer’s agency—which may or may not be the cheapest option. Make sure you get a life insurance policy when you/your officer are young and healthy that will meet the needs of your family. We also strongly recommend disability insurance even though it can be costly. The odds of job injuries are much higher than death itself on the job, and departments vastly differ in their policies on injuries. Do not assume your agency will fully take care of your family when there is an injury! Experience has taught us here at How 2 Love Our Cops that it is more often the case that what departments offer is inadequate. You must protect your family in case of injury.
Any time there is a change (marriage, divorce, birth, etc.), and once a year. We recommend your officer look it over at yearly job evaluations.
More than he/she gets! Seriously. Do the math with bricks in a backpack—one brick added for every waking hour, two bricks out for every hour in sleep. Too many bricks left in the backpack add up—and make it hard to function.
Get used to it—cop stuff needs a place and space, especially if (s)he’s on call. A small closet is best with hangars, pegs, small baskets, and a safe for weapons. How about a locker at home painted to match your décor? My son-in-law had a small alcove in their apartment with drawers only. He covered it with a sliding barn door, added a dowel for hanging, and the safe up high. Perfect—and it was really cute!
Yes. This is a thing—just go with it! I once witnessed a couple in Panera Bread—clearly both were cops—discussing which one of them got the seat that watches the door. She won—because she was in uniform!
This is probably best put together with your officer to make sure it’s realistic, but here are some links to templates:
It depends on how old they are, and their maturity level. Keep it G for the little ones, obviously. But as they get into school and hear negative comments about officers, they’ll need more explanation about what’s true and not. A lot of times they’ll ask questions when our officers aren’t around. It’s okay to give positive, more generic answers then have your officer add more later. This is a great conversation to have as a family. Talk about social media rules. Talk about weapons and the boundaries. When your kids ask questions, make sure you know what is driving those questions before you answer. If departments allow, take older teens and young adult children on ride alongs—this gives perspective nothing else can. It’s tricky to know what to talk about with kids—each one is so different. But it’s necessary. General rule—ask before answering, and always get context.
We have a huge list of resources right here! They have been vetted by us, but of course not everyone needs the same help. Look, and if you can’t find a lead, contact us. We’ll do our best to help where we can!
It depends on where you are and who you’re with! Heading to the mall in Los Angeles? Probably not. Serving the homeless in Detroit? Nope! But in Washington DC during Police Week? Probably okay, since just about everyone is in the same garb. Use discretion—and notice the vibe. Bring a non-descript sweatshirt to wear just in case. When I wear my How2LoveOurCops shirts to the grocery store, I make sure I’m extra kind to people, and am ready to answer calmly if someone says something snarky.
