Posts by Vicki Newman
Chp 5: Game Face: Understanding Your Cop’s Motivation
Understanding His Motivation War is seductive. There’s something inside me that lures me to the mission. I look at what’s goin’ down and know that I have to do what it takes to rescue these men… It’s almost like I have this need, deep inside of me…” The soldier’s eyes were moist and serious like…
Read MoreCh 5: Game Face: Understanding Your Man and His Mentality
Two extremes exist every day in the life of a police officer. The problem is, if the officer and family are not aware of the hypervigilance cycle and its potential destruction, they can’t be expected to take the appropriate corrective action and avoid the devastating effects on both their personal and professional lives. Dr. Kevin…
Read MoreCh. 4: Code Four Communication-Selfishness v. Listening to Understand
Selfishness vs. Listen with the Desire To Understand This last communication killer is so common it’s actually part of our culture. We’re encouraged to look out for ourselves, to be self-focused. We’re also naturally inclined to respond to our own desires, feelings, and whims. We’ve been doing it since we could breathe. Maturity comes when…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication: Avoiding Unkindness
Unkindness vs. Setting Speech Boundaries As a law enforcement family, there will always be pressures as we looked at in the first chapter. Unfortunately the easiest place to release that pressure is on those closest to us. And the closer you get, the worse it can be. Because we are so entwined, when our spouses…
Read MoreThe Dash
It’s there on the headstones, barely noticeable. A birth date; a death date. And a little mark in between. The dash – so simple, so seemingly insignificant. Yet it represents a life. It represents relationships. It represents values and words and actions that left a mark on the world. Last week I attended a memorial…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication: Unforgiveness kills communication
Unforgiveness vs. Keeping Short Account When our unspoken expectations are not met, it is very easy to develop resentment. We take it personally. It’s an affront! But that really isn’t fair, is it? How can our husbands know they did something wrong if they don’t know the rules? Years ago when Brent was working swing…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication: It takes time
Go Easy; It Takes Time I once heard a couple who had been married for over forty years say, “We didn’t really get each other until we’d gotten the first twenty years out of the way.” Now that Brent and I have been married over twenty-three years, I understand what they were talking about. Entwining…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication – The Man-Woman Thing
The Man-Woman Thing I like to joke that when God took a rib from Adam to make Eve, He took a whole lot more than just a bone. He also took the multitasking gene, the tendency to nurture, and the ability to ask for directions! But seriously, not only do we deal with our differences…
Read MoreCh 4: Code Four Communication: Getting outside yourself
They say marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning. Clint Eastwood Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man. Louis Nizer A sleek, black Lexus caught my eye in the next lane. Wow. It was shiny and new, and the sun hit it just right. It’s…
Read MoreCh 3: Creating Your Own Normal – Sometimes You Just Have to be Brave
Sometimes You Just Have To Be Brave The laughter was deafening. Emily found herself laughing along; although because she didn’t really know these people, she felt a touch uncomfortable. Clara had just opened her white-elephant gift: a set of five condoms. It was definitely appropriate for the crowd. They were all recently married, and everyone’s…
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