Posts by Vicki Newman
Chp 6: Short v. Long Term Thinking-Emotional Baggage
When I Moved In, I Brought My Baggage Jim and Angie sat across from us, their meals barely touched. They recounted an issue that they couldn’t get past in their marriage, and it was huge. They were so concerned that they brought it to Brent and I, their mentors, to help them sort it out.…
Read MoreMemorial Day
Since this time last year, I’ve been working on a project called Selfish Prayer. I am the ghostwriter, which means that I write a book for someone else. That someone else is a member of the California National Guard, and served in Afghanistan in 2009 as a Medevac flight medic. It’s been quite an education.…
Read MoreChp. 6: Short v. Long Term Thinking: Dealing with Fear
Proactive Steps To Deal with Fear We can know the odds and be prepared for the worst. But there are always those close calls and creepy little feelings that come up from time to time as we face the danger of what our spouse does for a living. How do we disarm them? 1. Face…
Read MoreCh. 6 Short vs. Long Term Thinking-Handling Fear
At some point in your husband’s career, you will face fear. Some of the wives I’ve talked to said the first year was the hardest, and then they settled down. Some of you have a natural tendency to worry, and this is hard for you. There are still others who hardly worry at all until…
Read MoreChp 6: Short v. Long Term Thinking
Short-Term vs. Long-Term Thinking Pursuing happiness is short-term thinking. It concentrates on right now. Right now I’d be very happy if I had a big piece of German chocolate cake. And then after I eat that very large piece of German chocolate cake, I’d be happy if I had just a little more. So I’ll…
Read MoreChp 6: Thick Skin, Soft Heart: How To Deal Emotionally
I don’t wear the badge on a uniform. But when you’re married to an officer, you wear the shadow of their badge on your heart. Pat, wife of a CHP officer who was injured on-duty Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength—carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time.…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face, His Coping Mechanisms
His Coping Mechanisms Your cop will have his ways to deal with stress. You may not be crazy about some of them, but, if it’s working, you need to let it go. A couple of years ago, Brent had a chief who dealt with stress by having an occasional outdoor cigar-smoking session with a few…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face-The Hero at Home
The Hero at Home Because this book covers different aspects of law enforcement marriage, it probably seems like my entire existence revolves around the fact that he is a cop. It doesn’t. There are areas of our lives that have nothing whatsoever to do with law enforcement. This is a big question for new officers’…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face-Understanding his moods before and after shifts
Before and after Shifts Many times this hypervigilance rollercoaster will begin just before he leaves for work. He’s putting on his game face. For Brent and I, the time before his shift wasn’t pretty for years. Sometimes I’d be upset half the shift after he’d leave. He was intensely focused. There were a few hurt…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face, Understanding his moods
In his book Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement Officers, Dr. Kevin Gilmartin describes the highs and lows of what he calls the hypervigilance rollercoaster. To be vigilant is to stay watchful and alert to danger or trouble. But because our men never know what will come at them on any given call, they maintain a…
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